You, Me and Anxiety

     A few weeks into my separation I couldn’t sleep, had  no appetite, had moments where I couldn’t breathe and would ugly cry at the drop of a hat.  I worked hard at hiding it all and then would fall apart privately.  It continued to get worse, but I failed to notice it.  I was purely in survival mode.  One day while at work I felt my chest tighten up and pain shoot through my body.  I wondered if I was having a heart attack, but suddenly realized what it really was.  I was experiencing anxiety.  Something I had never dealt with personally before, but I knew enough to finally recognize what it was.  It was right then and there that I knew I needed to take care of it before it destroyed me. Through this experience I learned  some valuable tools to overcome anxiety.

1. Know the warning signs, what it looks like to you so you can recognize when it starts.  The sooner you catch it the better.  Easier to combat it.
2. Get sleep!  I can’t stress this one enough. This is the number one priority. I finally went and got some sleep aids so that I could sleep and it was amazing how much better I felt after a good nights sleep.  I could think more clearly and handle things so much better.
3. Remember to breathe,  Take slow deep breaths.  
4. Have support people.  Someone nonjudgmental whom you trust that will let you bounce all your thoughts off of.  Who will support you, but also gently bring you back to reality.  
5. Get some fresh air.  Go for a walk, run or sit on a bench and just breathe it in.  It clears the mind and soothes the soul.
6. Focus on one task at a time.  Don’t overwhelm yourself.
7. Do something just for you.  Get a massage, buy yourself a small treat, do something you love doing.
8. Once you start to feel better examine your life.  What things do you need to do differently or add to your normal routine.  I look at things I know I should be doing, but I’m not. Such as prayers, scripture study, exercise, eating right, etc.  Try adding one simple thing at a time.  Baby steps.
9. If  it gets worse, seek professional help.  Counseling and if needed there are some good medications to help you get through it. I am thankful I had a great counselor who helped me get through this time in my life.

You never know what life is going to throw at you. So it’s good to beable to recognize the signs and combat anxiety before it reeks havoc with your life.

XOXO

Tiffanee

If Mrs. P Could See Me Now

   

      Lately, I have caught myself thinking about my running history.  It goes back to 7th grade PE.  I was a short, skinny very nerdy girl just trying to fit in.  My PE teacher was Mrs. P., who consequently happened to teach both my parents in school also.  Now that says something. Having the same teacher your parents had in school..CRAZY!!  She was this very fit, very tanned lady who lived in tight shirts and tennis skirts. She actually looked really good for her age. We speculated on how old she really was.  She made us wear these awful one piece PE Uniforms that zipped up the front (that's a whole other story in it's self).  

       It was within my first week she realized who my dad was (everyone knows my dad).  I had trouble with my lock..I heard, "You dad would never be that slow, you sure you are his kid."   Well I heard lots of comments from her reminding me that I was not as quick as my dad and I should be,  I considered myself athletic.  I had been on the swim team and played baseball with the boys!!  I felt she picked on me a bit and I hated going to PE. Then it came time to run the mile. Knowing me I probably set out to prove Mrs. P wrong that I wasn't slow, but to tell you the truth I don't remember anything about that moment except throwing up for what seemed to be hours afterwards.  

    It was after parent teacher conference a few weeks later that Mrs. P realized who my mom was and WOW did life change in PE.  She loved me then, but unfortunately the damaged was already done.  In my little mind I was slow and running made me throw up..the end!!   I never purposely just ran for fun again up until few years ago.

     This morning as I was running along I thought if only Mrs. P could see me now she'd be shocked.   Sure I am still not fast, but a more confident more determined individual.  She would never believe that I can run for multiple miles and not throw up! 

       What makes me feel good is that I FINALLY conquered that notion that I was slow and running made me throw up!  A little sad that I let it stay with me for all those years. There were opportunities that I may have missed because of it.......but the good news is it is GONE NOW!!

Time to look within yourself and get rid of those negative words someone once told you!  Throw them out, stomp on the grounds and proudly say,

"Mrs. P if you could see me now!!" (and I can actually picture her smiling!)

Does the Shoe Realy Fit.?

My family teases me about my shoes.  I do love a cute pair of shoes and who doesn't! One time  I found a killer shoe clearance and purchased not one but two pairs of adorable shoes for $5 each.  I was in HEAVEN!!

When I tried on the gold ones my normal size was too big so I went a 1/2 size smaller, they also have a little bit higher heal than I had worn in along time and the strap around the ankle was a bit constraining, but I didn’t care. They were cute so I told myself I would get used to it.  They give me a few inches of height and I need all I can get.  I wore them to church and they were adorable and I did just fine.

Fast forward a few days.....

Of course if you have cute new shoes you need to wear them to work.  I pulled up to work.  Parked my car and was rushing to the bathroom (it is a long drive and I drank a lot of water that morning), when BOOM!!  I guess the parking lot figured it needed a hug.  I jumped up and quickly made it to the bathroom.  While trying to keep my hand from bleeding all over the floor the back of my dress falls in the toilet.  

Can this day get any worse??

I pull myself together. Found a bandaid and got to work.  Lunch time rolls around.  Well my lunch now consisted of smashed chips and a pancake looking sandwich.  Luckily, it still tasted the same.  As I left work, I headed down the stairs, but missed the first step and down I tumbled.  Of course someone was right behind me and witnessed the whole ordeal.  I'm pretty sure I made the highlight reel of the security camera, not just once by twice for that day.  Thankfully, other than my pride I was not seriously injured.  Just some large scrapes, bruises and was a bit sore.  Do I blame the shoes?  Maybe...Should I really have bought the shoes knowing they did not fit perfectly just because they were adorable and a super great price?  

This got me thinking of how often do we try to "FIT IN" just because we are told that is what we should do?  Even as adults we still face the "peer pressure".  The pressure to attend parties, quit drinking soda, cook dinner every night, plan meals, coupon shop, dress nicely, participate in every activity and the list goes on and on. 

 For example a group of friends gets together quite often and they invite you to go.  You really don't want to go, but feel the pressure to participate.  Now you are faced with the decision of going and being miserable or dealing with the fact that you may not get invited again. 

"Stop. Think. What do you really want to do here?

  Do that. And be okay with it.

As a single middle aged woman I feel the pressure of watching the women who get the guys attention and wondering do I need to fit in that mold in order to be successful in that area in my life, because most of the time I just feel like I am failing.  Then I take a second look and think about those adorable gold shoes.  Even though I knew that those shoes were not the right fit, I was still focusing time and effort in trying to "FIT IN" them.  It turned out to be a miserable and painful journey.  Just because someone else can fit in those "gold shoes" doesn't make them better than me and because I can't it doesn't make me less of a person.  This can be applied to all areas of  life.  Quit trying to just FIT IN..you will be miserable.  Be YOU..the unique, amazing and incredible person that you are! Don't care what others think or do.

 FOLLOW YOUR HEART, 

BE THE BEST YOU 
and 

HAPPINESS WILL FIND YOU!!

I love this quote and it should be my new motto:

“You’ll learn, as you get older, that rules are made to be broken. Be bold enough to live life on your terms, and never, ever apologize for it. Go against the grain, refuse to conform, take the road less traveled instead of the well-beaten path. Laugh in the face of adversity, and leap before you look. Dance as though EVERYBODY is watching. March to the beat of your own drummer. And stubbornly refuse to fit in.” 
― Mandy Hale, The Single Woman: Life, Love, and a Dash of Sas

Yes,  today I need to take my own advice!

The Broken Bud

Just before Christmas I was given a Amaryllis plant with a beautiful bud.  I was scared to take it home afraid that the trip would break the plant.  I watered it and carefully put it on a safe place by my desk. The day after Christmas I was devastated to find my plant laying on the floor with the bud broken off.  I cleaned it up and threw the bud in the garbage, a few minutes later I had a thought and I found myself digging it out of the garbage trimming the bottom and placing it in a cup of water. I watched it carefully over the next few days until one morning I came in and found  these beautiful 🌺. Sometimes in life we feel like this plant broken and without hope to ever bloom. In these times we need to remember who we are and the heavenly help we have access to.  It will give us the nourishment and strength we need.  Then take hold of the nourishment put it in to action and prepare to bloom!  

Oops....Are My Insecurities Hanging Out

About a year ago I had a lunch date.  I walked through the crowded restaurant, ordered and was filling my drink when I wondered why the back of my leg felt cold..  just at that moment my date rushed over and pulled down my dress that was tucked in the back of my underwear. The most surprising part of it is I think my date took it worse than I did. Was I embarrassed..yes, but traumatized no.  I shrugged it off saying oh well things happen and I went on with my day. However, it did make for a great story.

   This got me thinking about insecurities. Why is it when my underwear hangout I can roll with it, but when my insecurities hang out it’s a whole different story. I have found I have a lot of them, especially when it comes to dating and  relationships. I never imagined I would be trying to figure this all out again at 50 years old. It’s all new and very scary. The inner mean critic shows up often and tells me that I’m not enough. This has caused me to go back and delete comments I’ve made on social media posts, erasing texts before I hit send or panicking because I did hit send. I’ve avoided any real relationship talk, ran away or shutdown at the first sense of insecurity and I’ve wondered why I hardly ever get second dates.(haha)

    The fact is Insecurity wrecks havoc on our self esteem and influences our behavior. It causes a whole ball of emotions and feelings of unworthiness. It causes unnecessary worry and chronic overthinking. It can become like a filled balloon that you are trying to tuck back in a crack which we know is impossible without letting out the air.  How do we do that in this case? The key is to recognize what it is(an insecurity not fact), figure out the cause of it, challenge that critical inner voice and squeeze the power out of it.

    It is time to handle insecurities just like I did that day my underwear was hanging out, recognize, deal with it and move on with confidence. Now to take those chances; send texts, post and not delete comments and give love a chance.  Who knows what might happen!

XOXO

Tiffanee

    

The Tire Mistake

This morning I was reminded of an incident twenty some years ago.  I had just gotten a new car, pulled into a driveway to soon and to fast and suddenly heard a huge pop.  I pulled over and got out to find I had totally destroyed the tire. I was scared. My mind raced at what I was going to do. Do I admit my mistake now or wait until it is found out? I found that in a short period of time the guilt and horrible feelings I felt about myself became increasingly worse.

MISTAKES... they happen because it’s part of life, to help us learn and be able to grow.  Thankfully we are given the repentance process to be able to lose that guilt and awful feelings associated with it. Sometimes the little mistakes eat at you the most.  This is when we need to remember that when we admit our mistakes, ask for forgiveness and move on with lesson learned is far better than beating ourselves up. Don’t let mistakes “tire” you physically, spiritually and emotionally.  The power of repentance will re’tire’ those ugly feelings and make you whole again.