Scars

     About 18 months ago, I had this tiny scratch above my lip.  A few days later I woke up and it felt kind of funny, as the day went on my lip started to get bigger and bigger.  By the end of the day it was huge, and the pressure was so intense. I stopped by a walk in clinic to have it checked out.  The doctor wasn't worried, but to ease my mine gave me some antibiotics and topical ointment to put on it. By morning my lip had exploded and the open wound continued to grow. I slapped a band aid on it and went to work. Thankfully, my coworkers urged me to see my primary care doctor immediately. He took one look, ran out of the room only to come back quickly to complete the test on it himself. It turned out I had MRSA. He prescribed a very high powered antibiotic and gave me strict warning that if it got any worse I was to go to the emergency room immediately.  It was not only ugly, but so painful. Thankfully, the medication worked and the infection did not spread any further. I had several more doctor appointments to make sure. It was the first thing people could see and I noticed how eyes were drawn directly to it. I became very self conscious and only left the house when I absolutely had to. It took awhile before I could smile without pain and it continued to get uglier.

This was a few days after the healing process started. 

The healing process felt like it took forever and was extremely painful not only physically, but emotionally as well. I was blessed to have caring coworkers, supportive family and a good doctor who acted quickly to prevent permanent disfiguring of my face.  With time it fully healed and thankfully I am left with only a small scar. A scar that unless I pointed it out would probably go unnoticed and I forget it is even there.

The healing process for a wound is often painful and in some instances more painful than the initial injury. The good thing is most of the time the process is so good that once completed we forget the scar even exists. Not too long ago, however my MRSA scar suddenly became noticeable in pictures. I couldn't believe it and became a little obsessed zooming in and out of pics, finding the scar was definitely evident. The more I focused on that little scar the more other flaws I began to see. I asked my kids about the scar. They couldn't see it. Something had triggered the emotional trauma surrounding that experience and I was back to feeling that ugliness all over again. It has been said that when we have had a wound we tend to become oversensitive to factors that did not used to bother us before. To things that other people don't even notice as in the little scar. This is where we need to learn to recognize these things and keep them in check. I had to take a step back, take a good look and reassure myself that it was healed. It is ok to remember why you have that scar and what it represents, just do not reopen the wound. 

    We all have had wounds that turned into scars.  The one on your knee from falling off your bike, the one on your forehead from running into a table, the missing side of your finger that you cut off, heartbreak, trauma and on and on. There are the scars that can be seen and others that cannot. There are physical and emotional scars. No matter what kind of scar it is each one has it's very own untold story of survival. Scars do not mean your are flawed. They represent triumph of a battle fought and won.
I can see the scar, but now look at it differently. There is a lot of strength that lies within it and every other scar you may have.

So the next time a scar comes in to focus remember:

​“Never be ashamed of a scar. It simply means you were stronger than whatever tried to hurt you.”

Each scar represents bravery, courage and strength.

Wear them proudly!

XOXO

Tiffanee

Finding the Light in the Tunnel

Entering the tunnel

      A few months ago I was fortunate to run a half marathon with an incredible, life long friend.  We ran for about 1/2 mile and then entered an old railroad tunnel that went on for 2 1/2 miles.  They had given us flashlights at the beginning.  We had tested them out and everything appeared to be working well.  We entered the tunnel, I turned my flashlight on and still could not see a thing.  My flashlight was super dim and I began to seriously wonder if I was going to be able to endure for that far.  I stayed as close to my friend as I could and just tried to hang on following her lead.  A short while later, just as I was beginning to panic just a bit,  I reached up to wipe the sweat off my face and realized I had my sunglasses on! You can imagine how things brightened up once I took them off.
      This got me thinking how often do we get caught up in the excitement of a new relationship that we put blinders on because we don't want to lose that excitement and we don't see the things as clearly as we should be. Things that we should really be watching for early on; those red flags, things that just don't feel or seem right, those gut feelings.  I remember one time following a group of friends though a crowded area, I was so focused on the excitement and not losing them that I did not pay attention to where I was going.  Once we stopped I looked up and realized I was right in the middle of a place I did not want to be. Even though I was not in any immediate danger, I was terrified by the way it made me feel.  This can happen pretty easily in a relationship too, when we fail to take off the blinders and look up, we could possibly end up with something we do not want or a place where we do not want to be, which can be pretty scary.  The good news is once we remove the blinders and look up we are able to see things as they are good and bad.
      Once I took my sunglasses off in the tunnel, my flashlight provided me warning about potholes, dripping water, puddles, creatures and things in my path. Without it I would of struggled, probably fallen, possible gotten hurt and who knows if I would of found my way out. Even though it wasn't easy, it guided me to my destination safely. In relationships we not only need to remove the blinders, but add the light of prayer and inspiration to  provide us a warning of things that could potentially harm us and it will guide us in the direction we need to go with it.  As long as we follow this everything will be ok.

Exiting the tunnel

     It sounds crazy, but once I was without sunglasses and could see the light of my flashlight to follow I actually enjoyed the tunnel. It was challenging and exciting at the same time.  The same is true with a new relationship, we can keep the excitement, just lose the blinders, look up and enjoy the journey.

XOXO

Tiffanee

Lessons Learned While Dating My Running Shoes

I usually run one half marathon a year and that feels like one too many, but this year I did something crazy and ended up signing up for 3 half's in a 4 week time period.  I did not mean for it to happen, but it just did. Honestly, it has scared me to death because I wasn't sure I could accomplish it.  I nicknamed it my "Triple Threat".  The company for all 3 races would be fabulous and even though it terrified me I couldn't resist. My training was pretty intense, where I  pushed my body to the limits, felt pain, frustration, exhaustion, but never wanted to give up.  Even after a difficult day I would get back up and do it again.  How is it I am good at doing this physically, but when it comes to emotional issues, the minute it feels a tiny bit uncomfortable, I am outta there.  How is it I can run not one, but three races in a short amount of time, but can't seem to go on more than one date with a guy. I've come up with the conclusion that with this physical challenge is, I control it and do not have to worry about anyone else interfering, it is all in my hands. With the dating challenge comes emotional issues where you have to trust someone else and that is where is becomes scary.  I teased that I was exclusively "dating my running shoes".  I think deep down this gave me the excuse I needed to not date.  Spending time with my running shoes was emotionally safe and really do like them. They fit  my feet perfectly, cushion my every step, are super cute and give me an extra 2 inches of height. What's not to love.  HAHA!!
 Looking back at the this 6 week "dating experience" with my shoes I did learn a few important things:

• It may take a few dates to get comfortable with each other (even if they are super cute).
• Once you get comfortable there will be times of irritation. Take time to adjust and fix it.
• Not all dates are bad, hold out for the the good ones will happen sometimes when you least expect it.
• Even when there are bad ones there is something to be learned and usually a good memory of some sort. Something you can laugh about later.
• You will trip and fall.  You just have to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and move along.
• There will be pain, frustration and sadness.  However, the joy, smiles, laughter and feeling of accomplishment will far outweigh the negative.
• There will be times of complete exhaustion, where you don't want to do keep going or do it again.  This is key to put yourself out there and keep working at it.
• Take time to breathe and enjoy the little things. 
• It takes time, effort, energy and lots of patience.
• With active dating your heart will get stronger.
• Confidence is crucial.
• It may be scary to put yourself out there. You are courageous and stronger than you imagined. 
• Your goal is attainable you just have to put the work in and most importantly never give up.

 Dating my running shoes was initially a joke, but surprisingly I learned a lot about real dating.
 It has given me confidence that I can do it. I can survive. The pay off is worth the risk (at least I keep telling myself that).

 My "Triple Threat" goal terrified me, however I was willing to take that on.  I put in the work and surpassed what my initial goal was.  I defied what I was told and took time off with each race.  It definitely was not easy and the struggle was real, but I did it.

With this goal completed, maybe it is time I hang up the running shoes..... and take on the real challenge, finding the man that I want to share my life with and that of course begins with putting myself out there and dating.

XOXO

Tiffanee

The Challenge in the Desert

I recently had the opportunity to hike in Arizona with a group of people I really didn’t know.  In fact it was all unfamiliar territory to me.  The dry desert heat, the elevation and three hours of sleep.  I had no idea what I had gotten myself into.  As we started on the trail it quickly became an uphill climb and honestly felt it would never end.  I had to stop a few times to catch my breath, but finally made it to the top.  The view was breathtaking as I had not realized until then how high we had actually climbed.  We took a few pics and then pressed forward now descending down a steep pathway. Once at the bottom it flattened out for awhile.  I figured I had made it through the worst part. Then suddenly the group stopped.  There was a discussion that came to the conclusion it would be best for us to turn around and go back the way we came that continuing on the loop was not a wise decision. This meant I not only would have to climb back up the steep hill but descend the front side of it.  It was not easy.  Sweat kept dripping sunscreen causing my eyes to burn and my lungs were on fire.  I slipped and fell several times going back down the hill because my shoes had no traction in the dirt and rocks.

     In a recent conversation I teasingly told a friend that I loved a good challenge, but is it possible to love the challenge when we are smack dab in the middle of it. This got me thinking.  Challenges do not need to be completed instantly. Just like my hike you sometimes you need to slow down, take breathers, adjust your course of action and most importantly you don't have to do it alone. Others are there to pick you up, dust you off, walk beside you and even carry you for a bit if needed.

The funny thing about this hike is even through all the struggles I enjoyed every minute of it.  I never thought about quitting or even complaining. It was all because I had great support and I listened to my body the same essentials we need to remember during a challenge.

XOXO

Tiffanee

The Sunshine Chicken Failure

      I love to cook and sometimes it can be a real adventure. I go on streaks where everything I make is a new dish.  One day when my kids were little I decided to make a dinner with a recipe I found for Sunshine Chicken and Rice. I prepared it just as the recipe said.  Placed servings neatly on each dinner plate and my hungry family started to eat. Almost immediately the gagging and disgusted faces were unanimous across the table, it was horrible completely not edible. We ended up throwing it out and ordering pizza. It was a true cooking failure
     Recently, my daughter sent me a message about just failing a final test which meant she failed the course.  She was devastated.  She felt like a failure and that her life sucked.  A few days later my son ran what would possibly be the last race of his college career and did not end up with the time he had been striving for.  He was very disappointed and felt like he had failed.  Recently, my friend and discussed our dating situations, how we both considers just giving up as we were failing.

      Theses situations got me thinking about life and how we often focus on the "one" failure.  How we can spend lots of time and energy wondering how it happened and wishing the outcome could of been better.  I have been in this situation many times.  At times it can feel so tragic that you feel that your life sucks because you failed.  Fact is....It does not make you a failure.
     Ask yourself does this one thing matter in the scheme of life? Think about the successes you have had.  For example such as how many classes you have passed, how many races you have ran well, how many dates that you have been on that have been good, etc.  Just as my Sunshine Chicken was total failure it didn’t mean I was a bad cook. I definitely didn’t make that dish again, but I’ve been adventurous and made lots of  delicious meals. When you have failures you may be hesitant to try again.  Instead  pick yourself up, hold your head up and high and go for it.  You got this!!

XOXO

Tiffanee

Going Up Hill...

   
     When I get an itch, I just have to scratch it and in this case it was the itch to race.  I found one that was not far away and for a decent price so I signed my girls and I up with only a few days until race day.  We arrived at the site and it was pouring rain to find the start was straight up a pretty decent sized hill.  I had ran to the bathroom shortly before the start and missed the directions given regarding the race course.  I made it to line just in time for the gun to go off.  I made it up the hill and then it was a pretty good decent back down.  It then went around and headed right back up the hill.  Just when you thought it was going to taper off you'd turn a corner and find another switchback going up.  I powered through thinking I can make it, only to find when I reached the aid station that I had to do that loop 3 times.  The second time I hit the hill was quite a bit slower and I found myself having to walk more than I ran so I did not die. I was soaked and the trail was getting more muddy by the minute.  By the time I hit it the third time I was smart enough to use my arms and power walk the hill.  Which took the chance of slipping on the mud out and was much easier on my body.  After finishing my last loop it was straight up the hill for a half mile and a very short gradual decent to the finish line.

     This got me thinking about certain trails or problems that you think you made it though only to find out you are dealing with it again. Why does this happen?  Isn't it enough to survive it once?  I came to the conclusion just as that day on the hill loop with each loop up it I learned something different and with each loop I got smarter and stronger.  When we experience a trial more than once it is because we have more learning and growing to do. Perhaps we are not ready for the big chunk all at once and it's the growth that occurs with each step we take.  Giving us what we need each time until we realize the changes that happened. It is then important to recognize the extra growth and strength we have been given because of our multiple trips "up that hill".
      Life can’t always be on a flat surface because we would never grow.  After completing 3 loops of hills I thought I would not make it up the last hill to the finish, but knew I had to.  Not only was it my goal, but the only path to the finish line.  Henry B Eyring said, “If you are on the right path, it will always be uphill."  Set your sights on that path, look upwards, and take those steps.  Each step will bring growth and strength, but most importantly bring you closer to your goal.  During trials don’t be afraid to ask for help, keep moving, believing, loving and doing. Before you realize it you’ll be enjoying the beautiful view from the top of the hill.

XOXO

Tiffanee

Is it Helping or Hurting?

I have a foot injury that likes to rear it’s ugly head every so often.  I’ve found if I can catch it early enough I can prevent the pain from getting full blown.  This morning I woke up to tightness and a little pain, so I thought I’d take quick action and put the compression sleeve on my foot.  Immediately after putting it on I felt relief and comfort. I wore it for a couple hours before putting on my shoes and heading out for a run. Less than a mile into my run the pain came back and continued to get worse with each step.  I began to wonder if it was my shoes or maybe I just needed to break down and get some special insoles. At about 2 miles the pain became so intense I began to think I wasn’t sure if I could make it home. I began to think about how this pain had not been happening all week. I came to the conclusion that the only thing different was the compression sleeve. I hobbled to a bench and removed the sleeve. I put my sock and shoe back on and decided to keep going for a bit just to test it out.  The pain was gone and all I felt was a little tightness.
Sometimes what we think is helping may actually be hurting us. Things might feel so comfortable and a perfect fit at first that we don’t realize when slight pain starts occurring. Once it turns painful we might look for other things that are causing the pain and overlook the true cause because it felt so good at first that we dismiss the fact that it could be the cause. If we don’t figure this out, not only could the pain become unbearable, but could be damaging. This is why we need to really start examining the situation when we first start noticing the discomfort. Look at the things that changed or happened just prior. This is crucial to watch for in life and especially when entering into new relationships. They often can feel so incredible at first that you do not see or feel issues arise or often doubt that it could be the problem. To alleviate pressure, just remind yourself to stay present and open. Listen and stay curious, but pay attention to things that do not feel right and figure out why they feel that way. Most importantly be true to yourself and trust what your gut instinct is telling you.
I am thankful I figured out so quickly what was causing my issue that morning. It definitely saved me from extra pain and possible damage to my foot. Removing the cause took me from thinking I would not make it home to running an additional 6 miles before returning home. My foot was not at 100%, but proof that some times things we think are helping can actually be causing us problems. Life is tough enough without having this type of pain added. Once we figure it out and remove or fix the cause we can continue to move forward in this incredible journey of life!

XOXO

 Tiffanee