Be Still

   The past year I felt like I was doing the things I needed to be doing to move forward in life, but yet that my life was at a bit of a stand still. Even though I was happy, I often contemplated why I felt this way. 

One morning I decided to hit a trail that I hadn't been on in years.  Its a gravel/dirt trail that runs beside a canal located in the middle of a farming area.  Known by residents as the "Flume" trail.  I have heard that if you run with the flow of the water it is easier.  This day as I ran beside the canal I wondered if that was really true. At this point I was running against the flow of the water and decided to put that theory to the test. I reached my turn around point and headed back. I found that I didn't notice it being any easier and if anything it felt a little bit more difficult.  I looked at the water and realized I couldn't tell which way it was moving for sure. I stopped, walked over the edge and saw that the reflection of the trees was near perfect. The water wasn't moving at all. In fact it was standing still.

This boggled my mind a bit, but then I remembered that this water was used to water crops. It was being held there for a purpose. When the time was right it would be moved to the place where it was needed. Being still just had a whole new meaning.  Psalm 46:10 says, “Be still, and know I am God." God is saying, “Don’t worry, I got this.” In my mind being still doesn’t mean you aren’t moving forward It means you put your trust in God to move you to lead you. It was that moment that I realized my life had felt like it was standing still, but really it was moving and I was being prepared for a purpose. If things had not been exactly how they were when my dad entered the hospital I would of never been able to go be with my mom during that time. That is where I needed to be. I would of went crazy otherwise. As I look back, I am in awe at all the things that fell into place so that my focus could be where it needed to be at that time.

A few days later my daughter and I went for a walk on the same trail. This day the water was not still it was moving to it's intended destination.  My point being is there are times when we need to “be still” and remind ourselves to trust God. He’s got a plan for each of us and if we allow him, just like this water our lives will to go exactly where we are needed.

XOXO

Tiffanee

Are You Ready for Christmas?

 As we all scramble to decorate, bake, find the perfect gift and all the other things that go along with the busy Christmas season how many times do you get asked or ask yourself, "Are you ready for Christmas?"  Even years when I think I am ready, I find myself in a debate of, "Am I really ready or is there more I can do?" It can be a stressful cycle as we prepare for Christmas day.

My thoughts turn to a story years ago, of a young pregnant mother, with two little kids already. I am sure this particular Christmas season was a very busy time for her. She probably had done some preparing for the baby, but since it was not due for over a month, she still had plenty of time. However, when Christmas Day arrived this tiny baby boy made an early entrance in this world and they were not ready. A lot of scrambling took place. When they brought him home from the hospital there was no bassinette or crib. They placed him in a shoebox and would lay it on the oven door to keep him warm.  

This Christmas birth got me thinking about Mary and Joseph. I wonder how much preparing they had done at their home to be ready for Jesus's birth.  As they made the trip to Bethlehem to pay their taxes, they had no idea Mary would go in to labor. Any preparations they had made for the birth were not there.  In fact the first Christmas was full of unreadiness. I love the way David Butler tells it,

"Mary goes in to labor unexpectedly

Joseph scrambles to find clean hay

Shepherds were woken up in the middle of the night

Angels come with out an invitation

and wise men show up far beyond fashionably late, They totally missed the party, by a year.

A party, by the way , that someone forgot to book a room for in the first place.

What a scene that must have been and yet...

and yet it all worked out. Beautifully in fact. 

Picture worthy

Song writing worthy

Celebration worthy

Not because it all went according to plan or because everyone was ready, 

but because there was love.

and there was a purpose.

and there was family

and there was Jesus.

And that is how it all worked out."

The story of the other unexpected Christmas birth, in my mind turned out pretty amazing too. The young mother was my grandmother and that Christmas baby that slept in a shoebox is my dad. Having your birthday on Christmas is a hard thing. We always tried to make his birthday a celebration and would even choose a different day that we could make his own.  He never cared. Christmas to him was not about his birthday, it was like that of the first Christmas all about love, family, purpose with Jesus at the center of it all. In fact that is how he lived each and everyday of his life. 

I marvel at the outcome of both Christmas births. Two incredible men, one perfect and the other perfect in my eyes, that both play a crucial and significant role in my life.  One came to save me, my elder brother, my Lord, my Savior. The other came to lead by example, to teach and testify of Jesus Christ.

This Christmas will be very different from the ones in the past, the spot by the fireplace that my dad always sat each Christmas morning for as long as I remember will be empty, but hearts will be full of love and gratitude for him as we celebrate.

My thoughts around the age old question of. 

"Are you ready for Christmas?" 

will be different this year too. 

This year I decided as long as I celebrate Christmas as my dad would; 

WITH LOVE

WITH FAMILY

WITH PURPOSE

CENTERED AROUND JESUS.

It doesn't matter if I am ready or not this Christmas will be absolutely perfect!

Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas!

XOXO
Tiffanee

David Butler is an author and co-host of an incredible podcast called Don't Miss This. 

Turkey Trot Tradition-2020 Style

My annual Turkey Trot as with everything in 2020 looked very different this year. It was a lonely start, no visual to focus on at the finish and no people cheering you on.  Somehow, with all this I completed my fastest 5k yet. The crazy thing is for weeks I hadn’t been able to run for more than a couple minutes at a time and had seriously considered giving up running. 

I did a 3 mile warm up and then officially started my race.  I noticed my fear of being alone was gone and that oddly I felt great. There were times when It felt like someone was pushing me along and a voice telling me to keep going I could do this.  My dad always told me he wanted to be able to run again. It truly felt at that moment that I wasn’t racing alone on that trail.  He was with me those last 3.1 miles for I felt him. In my mind there was no physical way I could of felt so good at that pace. I never even considered walking or slowing down at any point. 

Today, I am grateful that heaven is closer than we imagine and that it opens up at the exact moment you need it to.  He was my biggest cheerleader and he knew I desperately needed that renewed faith in myself.  

It turns out I did have extra support at the finish line too. Within moments of finishing my incredible mom was inspired to call me and my sweet girls were waiting for me.

My Thanksgiving tradition of 2020 did not include a shirt, medal or any memorabilia. It was not like anything I had pictured it would be. Instead it was everything and more that I NEEDED it to be and I will be forever grateful!!

xoxo

Tiffanee

Blurry Boundaries?

   A few nights ago, my kids and I went out, I was extremely tired so I had convinced my daughter to drive.  As we pulled out of the neighborhood I noticed lines painted in the middle of the road and asked if they had always been there. They laughed like I was crazy as they explained that, "yes, they have always been there". Although in my mind something was different, I chalked it up to possibly being more tired than I even realized. The next morning I noticed that the previously faded and blurry lines were now a bright yellow and in some places you could see where they had moved the lines just a bit. I was not crazy the city had been out painting the lines. Boundary lines to keep cars from crossing over in to the wrong lane.. a safety precaution and now they wouldn't be overlooked.

    Lately, I have had to put clear boundaries with working at home or otherwise I would sit at my desk until everything is finished (which it never is) and I would rush to take the phone call no matter what time it rings and boundaries on the other side to make sure I treat my work day just as I would if I was in the office. We all have personal boundaries that we put in place as a safety precaution. Healthy boundaries remind us and others what is acceptable to us and what is reasonable to expect from us. They enable us to take ownership in our lives and our happiness. Brene Brown said. "Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others." The purpose of boundaries is to protect and take good care of us why do we allow them to get blurred, faded and covered at times?
 Two of my biggest flaws in dealing with boundaries are:

•  I am a people pleaser by nature (let's face it most of us are)
•  I do not like confrontation.  

Because of these things I am so scared that I might hurt someone's feelings or cause contention that sometimes I let my boundary be crossed. Once that line is crossed, people feel more comfortable pushing that boundary or crossing it again and that is when the lines start to get blurred. Even we start to lose sight of where they are. There have been times in my life where I let boundaries totally fade, where I thought if I did I could help or fix this person. Instead it left me exhausted and unhappy with lots of guilt and shame involved.  In the process I lost myself, not a fun place to be.

     In recent years I have been better at setting boundaries and less afraid to let someone know they cannot cross it, however not always the easiest thing to do. I have learned the hard way that I am much happier if I maintain those boundaries than having to redraw or redefine them. It is easier to stand firm on the boundary than having to dig yourself out of a hole later on. Which I feel like happens to me every time I let my boundaries get blurred and I have come to the realization that I hate that feeling more than possibly disappointing others upfront. 

     In my recent weeding frenzy I discovered a few bricks buried along my yard. It became a treasure hunt as I worked to uncover them from the years of overgrown grass and dirt. I edged along both sides of them and swept them clean with an old broom. I am in awe at what a difference it makes to see a clear cut boundary between the grass and flower beds. It is beautiful! In the last few weeks, I also noticed weeds, grass and blackberry bushes had taken over blurring other boundaries in my yard. I become a bit obsessed. I cut the blackberries back so they are no longer (for the moment) growing over the fence and into the grass. I also made a clear cut boundary between my grass, the sidewalk and the small landscaping bed on the side of my back yard. It took hours and lots of work. I keep looking out my window at the boundaries I created and the brick one that I uncovered. I love the way they look and can't wait to create more.  Just like when I have let my personal boundaries fade (or blurr) it has taken lots of time, effort and hard work to get them back where I want them. It is better if we look at them on at regular basis to determine if we need to remove a few weeds, redefine or repaint the line and perhaps move it just a bit to fit our current needs. We cannot overlook healthy clear cut boundaries. They create happiness, bring freedom and joy in your life.  I need to remember how the new boundaries I created In my yard look and how they make me feel, as I work on my own personal boundaries.  It gives me a greater desire to keep them clean cut and well defined, because they are a very beautiful thing, mentally, physically and emotionally.

XOXO

Tiffanee

The New Normal

     When we rang in the year 2020 who would of thought just a short while later a microscopic virus would rage war on the whole world.  Suddenly the words pandemic, quarantine and social distancing become the trend.  Toilet paper and hand sanitizer become highly sought after commodities. Space was rearranged and set up to accommodate working and schooling from home. Sporting events, concerts, church, parties, vacations and other social activities cancelled.  Suddenly, almost without warning our lives changed in many ways.  A simple task of running to the store or eating out needs to be thought out and planned a bit more to not only protect you, but those you might come in contact with.  When we do have to go in public the six foot distance rule is in the front of our minds and who would of ever thought that wearing a mask into a bank or a store would be considered the polite thing to do.  In amongst all of this comes fear, stress, anxiety and uncertainty.

      

Fact is the past month lots of things have changed. I went from wondering how I could accomplish everything that was on my schedule to having it wiped clean. I do and will miss the things that were there, but I do not miss the stress that was associated with many of them. My mornings are calm and peaceful instead of frantic and frustrating.  I went from worrying about how my kids would handle quarantine life to watching them thrive.

Recently, a friend and I were talking about it and made the comment that even when this is over the world will never be the same.  I have been thinking about that statement and I realized I hope that when we win this war on COVID-19 that we as a world are not the same:

•  I hope we continue to support the small businesses and show extra appreciation to our teachers and healthcare workers. To not take our own jobs or employees for granted and treat all workers with courtesy, patience and respect.
• I hope that we will appreciate and properly care for our parks, trails, libraries and other public amenities.
• I hope that we continue to check on our neighbors, family and friends and help someone we don't know. That we will continue to pull together in our communities to fulfill needs of individuals. That little surprises left on doorsteps will become a tradition.

These are just a few of my wishes. Most of all I hope that we look out for one another, treat all with respect.  That as a whole we will be kinder, non judgmental and that there is more love in the world. 

My prayer is that when we look back on this time we will see the good things and that those will continue on.

Stay Safe

Tiffanee

  

Unshatter My Heart♥

Disclosure:  This is something I wrote over a year ago as I was challenged to put myself back into that place I was mentally when my marriage ended to let those feelings go. To be honest it was tough. It made me realize I was in a pretty dark place at that time in my life and had not even realized it. Looking back this writing assignment was worth the pain as it was therapeutic to get it out and let go. I read it now and can say I am proud of who I was back then and how far I've come since. It originally was a song, but I was told since I didn't have music to go with it that it is a poem. Because it is so personal I have debated for a long time if I should share it or not. Lately, however I've had this feeling that someone needed to hear it. So whoever you are I pray this helps in some way.

♥️

Unshatter My Heart

I feel lifeless and empty as I stare at the floor.

The pain of my shattered heart I can’t bear anymore.

The tears are long gone, the brain is foggy and thoughts unclear

I look up and wonder, who is that person I see in the mirror.

The face is so hollow, the eyes are so sad

Inside myself I begin screaming, how did you ever let things get so bad?

My heart is so shattered it feels beyond repair

Will I ever be able to love again or will I live alone in my despair?

As darkness closes in I realize I have to pick myself up and move along.

There are too many people relying on me to be strong.

With all the strength gathered I pull myself to my knees.

Praying for comfort, courage and faith to once again find me.

I pray for the strength to hold the pieces of my heart together so that someday they will stay.

The pain is not gone, but have hope it will get better each day.

Standing on my own two feet wanting courage to be able to heal.

Those tough steps will not be easy, but the path to help the wounds seal.

For this is a battle I need to fight and win.

Maybe someday love will come around and I will be ready to let it back in.

Unshatter my heart, release the pain.

Let the healing hand take over, bring sunshine instead of rain.

Unshatter my heart, let my heart start beating again.

Seal up the wounds,close the door on my past and let love back in.

Unshatter my heart give me courage and strength to see

That unshattering my heart truly begins with me.

♥ Tiffanee

How's Your Resilience Storage Supply?

     Last fall I had the opportunity to attend a training dealing with at term I was not real familiar with. I found it fascinating, but it was not until a few weeks later that I really understood the meaning . My youngest daughter was in a Cross Country race where near the finish they had to go down a short steep hill that suddenly flattened out.  She came running past us at full speed and down that hill.  All of a sudden she went down, smacking her head on the ground and scraping up her back pretty good.  Somehow, she immediately got back up and ran to the finish line.  Everyone who watched it happen was in awe!  She could of easily just laid on the ground and nursed her wounds and no one would of thought anything of it, instead she rolled back on to her feet and finished what she started. She taught me a lesson that day about how important it is to have the ability to bounce back when faced with adversity and keep going when thing get tough.  This ability is known as "resilience". 
     Resilience is the ability to roll with the flow. When adversity, stress or traumatic events happen, you still experience the anger, grief and pain, but you are able to keep functioning.  In order to do this we need to build up our emotional health with what I am going to call our "Resilience Lamp".  An oil lamp will continue to give off light (function) as long as there is oil in the storage portion of it.  If we add to our resilience storage on a regular basis, it is there when we need it and we can still function when hard times or adversity hits.

A Few Ways to Fill your Resilience Storage

Get Your Sleep
Sleep is vital for our overall health and functioning. Getting adequate sleep helps your mood, thinking ability, productive and so much more.  Find ways to get your sleep.

Exercise
Exercise is not only good for you physically, but mentally too. Those endorphins are great mood enhancers.  Exercise is proven to boost concentration, memory, reasoning, better sleep to name a few.

Practice Gratitude
Emotional benefits of gratitude include, well being, life satisfaction, connection as well as many others. It is important to intentionally cultivate an awareness of gratitude in our everyday lives..  Keep a gratitude journal, make a habit of finding things each day that you are grateful for.  Practice saying "Thank You"  It is has been proven that the person you thank is more likely to continue it on causing a ripple effect.

Self Compassion
Show yourself some love. Give yourself the same kindness and care that you would give a good friend. 

Build a Support Team
Be social and make friends. Having people you can trust and confide in is important in building resilience. Plus the recipients of someone being sociable are more likely to engage in similar behaviors, thus spreading the social contagion and improving the mood and self esteem of all those involved.

Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness is awareness that arises through paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, non-judgementally, It is taking time to pause and breathe when the phone rings instead of running to answer it."- Jon Kabat-Zinn

Take time to ask yourself how you are feeling. Ponder on what it causing you to feel that way. Make adjustments if needed.
Focus on things you can control.

Provide Service
Serving others reduces stress, prevents feeling of isolation, increases confidence, ingnites passion, increases confidence and makes you happy. I guess these are the reasons that I've always come away from service gaining way more that I gave. 

Prayer

Prayer is surely the passport to spiritual power ~ Thomas S. Monson

It has been proven to give peace, sense of meaning, connection.  It has psychological effects on the body such as calming your cardiovascular system and reducing your stess. (Crystal Park PhD) Amazing things happen with prayer.

Have and Exercise Faith
“If ye have faith ye hope for things which are not seen, which are true” (Alma 32:21).  

Faith is the glue that keeps us holding on it.  It breeds abundance, gives you strength, it helps you find purpose in life and acts as a pathway to finding solutions  It has also been proven to fight stress, anxiety and fear.  One of my favorite quotes is, "Replace Fear with Faith".  Practice having faith on a regular basis. Learn how to listen and act on promptings.  

Each time we do one of these items we are adding to our resilience storage. Ready to use when we need it.  Your light will be able to keep functioning during trials. Your light will have the power needed to keep you going.

 After the race finish that day, as I was cleaning the mud off of the scrapes on my daughter’s back. I asked her how she was able to get up so quickly her response was, "I wasn't gonna let that girl that passed me when I fell beat me”. When adversity or hard times arise, just as that day of my daughter's fall we can be follow her example.  She had been practicing and doing the things she needed to do for that race. She was not only prepared physically, but mentally also. If we focus on filling our resilience storage on a daily basis, we will be prepared to be able to bounce back up because we will have emotional health reserves in the storage of our lamps.   It is time to check that resilience storage level..

xoxo

Tiffanee

*Disclosure I started this post back in the fall of 2019.  As many of my ideas it did not seem to flow so I let it be. Suddenly this past week the thoughts keep coming and perhaps it was meant to flow at this particular time.