Learning to Run Again

 

      During the final stages of my divorce I found a half marathon that was on what would of been my anniversary.  My divorce would be final a few weeks beforehand and I figured that was a good way for me to take on that particular day, with a challenge.  I signed up and began to train.  It was going well until about a month before the race I was out pulling weeds and felt a sharp pain up the back of my leg.  I figured I just pulled a muscle a bit.  I took some time off from running and rested it, but knew I needed to train.  I had to start with walking and after a week I went back to running a bit.  I found that I was having to focus on that hurt leg physically concentrating to get it to pick itself up with each step.  Training was very painful, but I was not going to quit.  One morning as I was really struggling to run it hit me.  I needed to slow down, give my leg time to heal and came to the realization that I might have to walk the half marathon.  Even though that is not what I wanted to do I suddenly was ok and at peace with that decision.
       It was then and there I also realized I was trying to push through the pain and hurt associated with my divorce.  I had jumped right in to dating pretty quickly, tried to move on with my life.  Things were not going well and I was struggling.  Just like my hurt leg I was trying to push myself to fast and was just getting worse. I came to the conclusion that I needed to slow down, take the time I needed to heal.  Walk, not run through this process and even take baby steps if needed.  I started to  focused more on my children and myself.  Just like I felt like I had to teach my leg how to run again I had to learn how to love myself again and get healthy emotionally before I could love anyone else.
   Race day came and miraculously I was able to run the entire 13.1 miles and finished with my best time to that date.  My healing process has been slow, but with each passing day I find myself getting stronger.  I am now confident that one day I will suddenly realize that I crossed that healing finish line without even knowing it.