Scars

     About 18 months ago, I had this tiny scratch above my lip.  A few days later I woke up and it felt kind of funny, as the day went on my lip started to get bigger and bigger.  By the end of the day it was huge, and the pressure was so intense. I stopped by a walk in clinic to have it checked out.  The doctor wasn't worried, but to ease my mine gave me some antibiotics and topical ointment to put on it. By morning my lip had exploded and the open wound continued to grow. I slapped a band aid on it and went to work. Thankfully, my coworkers urged me to see my primary care doctor immediately. He took one look, ran out of the room only to come back quickly to complete the test on it himself. It turned out I had MRSA. He prescribed a very high powered antibiotic and gave me strict warning that if it got any worse I was to go to the emergency room immediately.  It was not only ugly, but so painful. Thankfully, the medication worked and the infection did not spread any further. I had several more doctor appointments to make sure. It was the first thing people could see and I noticed how eyes were drawn directly to it. I became very self conscious and only left the house when I absolutely had to. It took awhile before I could smile without pain and it continued to get uglier.

This was a few days after the healing process started. 

The healing process felt like it took forever and was extremely painful not only physically, but emotionally as well. I was blessed to have caring coworkers, supportive family and a good doctor who acted quickly to prevent permanent disfiguring of my face.  With time it fully healed and thankfully I am left with only a small scar. A scar that unless I pointed it out would probably go unnoticed and I forget it is even there.

The healing process for a wound is often painful and in some instances more painful than the initial injury. The good thing is most of the time the process is so good that once completed we forget the scar even exists. Not too long ago, however my MRSA scar suddenly became noticeable in pictures. I couldn't believe it and became a little obsessed zooming in and out of pics, finding the scar was definitely evident. The more I focused on that little scar the more other flaws I began to see. I asked my kids about the scar. They couldn't see it. Something had triggered the emotional trauma surrounding that experience and I was back to feeling that ugliness all over again. It has been said that when we have had a wound we tend to become oversensitive to factors that did not used to bother us before. To things that other people don't even notice as in the little scar. This is where we need to learn to recognize these things and keep them in check. I had to take a step back, take a good look and reassure myself that it was healed. It is ok to remember why you have that scar and what it represents, just do not reopen the wound. 

    We all have had wounds that turned into scars.  The one on your knee from falling off your bike, the one on your forehead from running into a table, the missing side of your finger that you cut off, heartbreak, trauma and on and on. There are the scars that can be seen and others that cannot. There are physical and emotional scars. No matter what kind of scar it is each one has it's very own untold story of survival. Scars do not mean your are flawed. They represent triumph of a battle fought and won.
I can see the scar, but now look at it differently. There is a lot of strength that lies within it and every other scar you may have.

So the next time a scar comes in to focus remember:

​“Never be ashamed of a scar. It simply means you were stronger than whatever tried to hurt you.”

Each scar represents bravery, courage and strength.

Wear them proudly!

XOXO

Tiffanee

Finding the Light in the Tunnel

Entering the tunnel

      A few months ago I was fortunate to run a half marathon with an incredible, life long friend.  We ran for about 1/2 mile and then entered an old railroad tunnel that went on for 2 1/2 miles.  They had given us flashlights at the beginning.  We had tested them out and everything appeared to be working well.  We entered the tunnel, I turned my flashlight on and still could not see a thing.  My flashlight was super dim and I began to seriously wonder if I was going to be able to endure for that far.  I stayed as close to my friend as I could and just tried to hang on following her lead.  A short while later, just as I was beginning to panic just a bit,  I reached up to wipe the sweat off my face and realized I had my sunglasses on! You can imagine how things brightened up once I took them off.
      This got me thinking how often do we get caught up in the excitement of a new relationship that we put blinders on because we don't want to lose that excitement and we don't see the things as clearly as we should be. Things that we should really be watching for early on; those red flags, things that just don't feel or seem right, those gut feelings.  I remember one time following a group of friends though a crowded area, I was so focused on the excitement and not losing them that I did not pay attention to where I was going.  Once we stopped I looked up and realized I was right in the middle of a place I did not want to be. Even though I was not in any immediate danger, I was terrified by the way it made me feel.  This can happen pretty easily in a relationship too, when we fail to take off the blinders and look up, we could possibly end up with something we do not want or a place where we do not want to be, which can be pretty scary.  The good news is once we remove the blinders and look up we are able to see things as they are good and bad.
      Once I took my sunglasses off in the tunnel, my flashlight provided me warning about potholes, dripping water, puddles, creatures and things in my path. Without it I would of struggled, probably fallen, possible gotten hurt and who knows if I would of found my way out. Even though it wasn't easy, it guided me to my destination safely. In relationships we not only need to remove the blinders, but add the light of prayer and inspiration to  provide us a warning of things that could potentially harm us and it will guide us in the direction we need to go with it.  As long as we follow this everything will be ok.

Exiting the tunnel

     It sounds crazy, but once I was without sunglasses and could see the light of my flashlight to follow I actually enjoyed the tunnel. It was challenging and exciting at the same time.  The same is true with a new relationship, we can keep the excitement, just lose the blinders, look up and enjoy the journey.

XOXO

Tiffanee