What are You Hiding?

     Recently, I got sick and literally felt like death.  It was all I could just to move from one place to another.  I don’t remember the last time I was this sick.  After 2 days of suffering a friend convinced me to go see a doctor.  Of course just because it is who I am I showered and did my best to look presentable in public even though I felt awful.  The nurse called me back and we talked about my symptoms.  She said you know it’s sounding like the flu, but you don’t look bad enough to have it.  When in my mind it was all I could do to sit on that bench, not curl up in a ball on the floor and cry.
       How often do we meet people that appear to be just fine, when in reality they are facing battles on the inside?  It has been said that it’s not always the tears that measure the pain, sometimes it’s the smile we fake. Why do we hide our emotional pain or battles from others?  The motives are fear based.  We are afraid of looking weak or susceptible to others, think we are independent and can handle it all on our own.  Am I guilty of this...YES BIG TIME!  I tend to use the "fake it until you make it" philosophy.  It is however, not always the smartest move on my part.  Enlisting others to help you out is not weakness.  In fact is shows great courage and strength.  I had a friend call me out on it.  She said, you help me so it is only fair that I get to do the same for you and she is right. Letting your emotions and problems out is the healthy way to deal with it, but it is not EASY.  You need someone you trust, lots of courage to face your fears and strength to let those emotions out and deal with it all.  Not something you can be expected to conquer overnight.  It takes baby steps.
     Just like the nurse judged me from sight, I was obviously hiding it well because my test came back positive for Influenza A.  It is a good reminder that people are extremely good at hiding what is really going on inside.  Therefore it important to be little bit kinder to everyone you meet, because you probably don’t know the battles they are facing.  Most importantly, it is very crucial that we are kinder to ourselves because we know the things we are facing!

XOXO

Tiffanee

The Curve Balls of Life...

      A few years ago I attended my first ever Mariners Fanfest.  The thrill of being there was incredible.  One of the things you could do at that time was get in the batter's cage and take a few pitches.  It had been awhile since I had stepped up to the plate and swung a bat so I was eager to have my shot at it.  After a long wait it was finally my turn.  I picked out the perfect bat, put on my helmet and walked up to the plate with confidence.  I took a practice swing and stood ready to hit that ball.  I watched the ball came soaring towards me, swung the bat and was excited that I had made contact with it...only to have the ball bounce and come back and hit me directly in the finger.  I shook it off and thought I could take my other 2 pitches, but found I could not grip the bat.  Feeling a bit defeated, I took off the helmet and walked out of the cage.  My family and I walked into the hallway and the next thing I knew everything went black and I woke up on the floor.  Medics were called and we were immediately taken out to the baseball field via the players tunnel (access that no one else had). They gave me an ice pack and had me sign some waivers.  Turns out I had broken my finger.  Looking back at this experience there was a very crucial mistake I had rushed in wanting to hit it so badly that I was not paying attention to the actual pitch coming towards me and it had been a wicked curve ball.

This was taken shortly after I passed out that day. 

       Frequently life throws us curve balls all of the time. When this happens it is a natural instinct to rush to that plate and want to hit it out of the park as quickly as possible.  Just as I wanted so badly that day I stepped in the batter's cage. The truth is most always if we were to just take care of it with one swing we would not learn or grow.  Just as in baseball it takes patience, practice and a clear vision to get through hard times. There is a reason the batter is given three strikes, not all pitches are meant to be hit.  Some we may think are the perfect pitch, but in reality have a nasty curve that we can't see at the moment and later realize that it was a blessing that we were able to dodge that ball and not get hit. There is always change in challenge (see what I did there).  There will be times when it feels like it takes all the strength you have just to stay in the game. You can barely hold on to that bat, but the important thing is you keep on swinging. With each swing you will gain strength, confidence, skills and knowledge you need to get through whatever you are dealing with. A friend recently explained to me the word "grit".  Not collapsing into despair, but to keep on swinging that bat and smiling. Happiness in life is not all about home runs. It’s the courage and strength to step up to the plate every single day no matter what. It's learning from the challenges and finding joy in the hits you get and progress you make. You can't rush it, just as I did that day I stepped in the batter's cage and got hit. It was a painful lesson.

   You learn to recognize "your pitch" and it WILL come along. After every hardship comes something incredible.  Hold on to that faith and that bat!

   My wise and incredible mom sent me this quote: 

"Life will always throw you curves, just keep fouling them off.  The right one will come, 

but when it does be prepared to run the bases".   

XOXO

Tiffanee

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Learning to Run Again

 

      During the final stages of my divorce I found a half marathon that was on what would of been my anniversary.  My divorce would be final a few weeks beforehand and I figured that was a good way for me to take on that particular day, with a challenge.  I signed up and began to train.  It was going well until about a month before the race I was out pulling weeds and felt a sharp pain up the back of my leg.  I figured I just pulled a muscle a bit.  I took some time off from running and rested it, but knew I needed to train.  I had to start with walking and after a week I went back to running a bit.  I found that I was having to focus on that hurt leg physically concentrating to get it to pick itself up with each step.  Training was very painful, but I was not going to quit.  One morning as I was really struggling to run it hit me.  I needed to slow down, give my leg time to heal and came to the realization that I might have to walk the half marathon.  Even though that is not what I wanted to do I suddenly was ok and at peace with that decision.
       It was then and there I also realized I was trying to push through the pain and hurt associated with my divorce.  I had jumped right in to dating pretty quickly, tried to move on with my life.  Things were not going well and I was struggling.  Just like my hurt leg I was trying to push myself to fast and was just getting worse. I came to the conclusion that I needed to slow down, take the time I needed to heal.  Walk, not run through this process and even take baby steps if needed.  I started to  focused more on my children and myself.  Just like I felt like I had to teach my leg how to run again I had to learn how to love myself again and get healthy emotionally before I could love anyone else.
   Race day came and miraculously I was able to run the entire 13.1 miles and finished with my best time to that date.  My healing process has been slow, but with each passing day I find myself getting stronger.  I am now confident that one day I will suddenly realize that I crossed that healing finish line without even knowing it.