Glasses, Jr High and Me...

At the beginning of my 7th grade I was a huge nerd with big glasses.  I had gotten a really bad perm and as a result had huge hair with lots of tight curls.  I was awkward looking and therefore got picked on quite a bit.  I was called names, nasty notes were stashed in my locker,I received mean prank phone calls and my homework would get stolen.  It was "bullying" a term that was not used back then. I begin to question my existence feeling like I did not fit in anywhere. For my birthday that year  I got contacts and the nerdy girl I had been previously known as faded away.  It was only in my 20's that I got a pair of back up glasses and I never wore them out of the house. Looking back now I guess all along I associated glasses with my Jr. High experience.  Oddly, after I burnt my eye and had no other option, but to wear glasses outside of the house it brought back all the same insecurities.  I was once again that scared, nerdy girl, who felt like she didn't matter in the world.  How could that happen?  How could a simple thing as glasses take the confidence right out of you?  

As I wore my glasses, something happened.  No one called me 4 eyes or made fun of me because of my glasses.  In fact no one even acknowledged the fact that I was wearing glasses.  I was not treated any different than normal.  I came to realize this fear was not real and I was the only one making it happen.  It was all in my head.  Glasses no matter how thick don't change who you are.  They do however allow you to be able to see.  Which is very important.  I am excited to be able to wear contacts again, because they make life easier and I can see better with them.  However I am grateful to have seen through the lenses the real me.  That the woman behind the glasses can still be strong, and confident.  No different than the one without the glasses.

Prayer and Cleaner In My Eye

Been having self esteem issues lately so this morning in my prayer I asked to help me be strong, have courage and to feel beautiful. Minutes later in a rush I picked up the wrong solution and rinsed my contact with cleaner instead of solution.  Made for a very painful mistake.  I did what I could threw my glasses on and went to work.  It was later I looked at myself in the mirror.  All I saw was the bright red dripping eye, red nose, big thick glasses and hair that was sticking out everywhere.  There was no beauty.  I looked like one big ball of mess!  It wasn’t until I laid in bed that I thought about my prayer. I had the strength to wear my glasses out of the house something I’d never done before, courage to give some good advice and find solutions to some problems at work.  I was asked if something I wrote could be published, told I was a hero from someone I admire a ton, received a sweet text and a phone call that boosted my spirit and made me feel whole again.  I was once again reminded that Heavenly Father hears and answers our prayers.  It wasn’t the way I pictured it in my head, but it turned out to be exactly what I needed. 

Tearing Down the Walls

Tearing Down the Walls

There are walls that no one can see,

They are built thick and strong 

to protect me.

Years ago the pain became to difficult to bear 

So the walls came up to prevent it from entering there.

They are thick and strong,

Kept my heart safe and able to live on.

The time has come to learn again how to feel.

Tear down the walls so my heart can heal.

I must take a chance and face the fears.

Remove brick by brick until my heart again appears.

In order to let love in these steps must start.

It’s time once again to open my heart.