When Christmas Looks Different

One recent morning, as I was out for a walk, I realized how different everything in my life looks and I will admit I have had a hard time finding "my Christmas spirit" this year.  There have been so many changes this past year and Christmas is one of them. This year it will look very different than those in recent years. Not only are we in a new home, but instead of a houseful of family it will just be two of us. I believe we have both been mourning that fact just a bit, and I have found myself strolling down memory lane.

There is the fall my brother had a blood infection that the doctors could not figure out.  He needed to have transfusions a couple times a week, with an hour drive each way.  I cannot imagine how scared my parents were of potentially losing this very sick little boy.  After an area wide fast, we received a miracle of healing that even the stumped the doctors. I am sure Christmas looked different for my parents that year.

 Or the year we lost everything in the Teton Dam Flood.  After months of being homeless we were living in a HUD singlewide trailer. Any time it got below freezing the inside walls would ice up (and in Southeastern Idaho that happens a lot) We were constantly sick. It was less than a pleasurable experience, especially for my mom.  I am sure that Christmas that year did not look anything like my parents pictured.

 After years of infertility, I had finally gotten pregnant only to find out just days before Christmas at a routine ultrasound that I might lose the baby and was placed on immediate bed rest. That Christmas looked different.

 The year that we lost my Dad, who's birthday happens to be on Christmas, rocked all of our worlds, and Christmas looks much different now.

My thoughts turn to Mary and Joseph, I am sure they did not picture Mary going into labor in Bethlehem, scrambling to find a place to deliver and being told there were no rooms over and over.  Mary probably never pictured having the baby in a stable, where she would lay him in a manager.  Fact is even that first Christmas looked different than planned, but it was miraculous and perfect.  It didn't matter what it all looked like what mattered is that it was full of love and centered around the birth of Jesus.    

Truth is our lives change, things happen that are out of our control, but what we learn from that first Christmas is that just because it doesn't look like we think it should does not mean that it won't be perfect.  As long as we keep the key element in focus, the true meaning of the season, the birth of our Savior Jesus Christ, Christmas will be perfect, no matter what it looks like because love will fill our hearts and souls.  I realize that is the key and how my parents got through those tough times, because as kids we saw nothing but magic each Christmas.

Now looking back even though those Christmases looked different, each one had its own miracles; my brother's miraculous healing, feeling the first kicks on Christmas day of that baby that they thought I would lose and that Christmas in the trailer we were all healthy with no snow fall that day.

Since my Dad passed away, each Christmas I still picture him sitting by the fireplace like he always did, making sure to build a big enough fire to roast us all, smiling and laughing as we opened gifts.  Those memories are miraculous and perhaps what has kept me going this season.  If I were to go to him about my Christmas woes this year, he would tell me "different  is good, to suck it up".  Then would turn and lead by his quiet example of making sure Christmas no matter how it looks for me or anyone else, was built around Jesus, family and love. 

I am getting to the age where Christmas will probably look different each coming year.  A fact I need to embrace, not mourn.  So this year I will remember different is good, enjoy the precious time with my daughter, sit by the fireplace until I am roasted out (in honor of my Dad), make a traditional Christmas breakfast, Facetime family and most importantly follow the quiet example of my dad.  If I do that no matter how different Christmas looks it is bound to perfect once again!

Wishing you all a very Merry and Magical Christmas, filled with love and light, no matter how it might look this year.

XOXO 

Tiffanee

Getting Unstuck

Being single, I have often felt "stuck".  I go to singles events, date and things don't go well. Then I get in my head and slide down that slope of my thoughts that I will never find anyone or maybe I am just not good enough, along with many others that creep in. Soon I've slid down that slippery slope to the point I am ready to never date or go to any events again. 

Just over 5 years ago, with only a few weeks of being single under my belt my kids and I decided we would make the 12 hour drive to Idaho to spend Christmas with family. My son would fly in from Utah spend a week at home and then we would all drive together. Due to the winter weather we decided to stop off in Montana for the night to see my brother and his family. The roads were a bit sketchy, but we made it to my brother's house and enjoyed a night with their family. We woke up the next morning which was Christmas Eve to find about 3 inches of new snow and more falling. We decided it was best if we head out. The driveway leading out had a pretty steep hill with a deep gully on both sides. To add to it there was a stop sign at the very top where you had to turn to get on to the main road. We struggled to get to the top and just as we stopped at the stop sign we slid back and off the road leaning on the steep incline of the gully. We all carefully got out and I ran back to ask my brother for help.  

Realizing we were on the top of a steep hill, my brother assessed the situation and decided the only way to get us out was to pull us backwards. Both my son and I were in the car, as my brother moved his truck the car instantly slid all the way down the gully and up against a barbed wire fence. It was a very scary couple of seconds, the only good thing about this fact was at least now we had all four tires on the ground. My brother hooked the chain up again started to pull and "pop" the chain broke. He fixed the chain and tried again, and we just continued to stay in the gully right against that fence. I had come to the realization that if we got unstuck, my fairly new car would be damaged and I would for sure need a new side mirror on the drivers side because of the fence. At that point, I was ok with that fact as I just did not want to be stuck anymore. Within just a few minutes snow started coming down harder and I was convinced we'd never get out without a tow truck, but my brother was not going to quit. He tried several different angles and after a few tries pulled us back up onto the road. In my mind it was a true miracle! We loaded everyone up, someone stood at the top of the hill watching for cars and my brother drove my car straight up the hill and onto the main road.  

No matter what we try and tell ourselves, being stuck is no fun and we miss out on opportunities. Had my brother quit trying to get my car out, fact is eventually the tow truck would of gotten there, but with the weather conditions and holiday, odds of us making it to our destination for Christmas would of been slim. We would of been "stuck" once again and missed out on the main purpose of the trip, so that the kids could have some normalcy in their lives at that tough time by spending Christmas with Grandpa and Grandma. I think about all the opportunities and experiences I have missed out on because I felt stuck in my life.  

 As I have thought back on this experience I realized the same basic steps that were used that day to get my car unstuck can also work for when we feel stuck in life.  

•  Find courage: Step out of your comfort zone, try something new.
•  Assess your situation:  What can you do or change to make things better?
•  Make a plan and carry it out. 
•  Be willing to adjust that plan: If one thing doesn't work try something else.
•  Ask for help.  Let friends and family support and encourage you.
•  Accept the fact that you could get hurt, and be ok with it. Recognize those feelings for what they are and that it is part of life.
•  Keep trying.  Keep moving.  Don't give up.
• Use commitment to your goal move you.  Let it be scary at first.

My brother not only miraculously pulled my car out that day, he did it with the only damage being some minor scratches to the side mirror, more importantly he taught me a good life lesson that day on how to get unstuck in life.  

The night after I thought through this experience, with the encouragement of family and friends, I felt brave, pulled myself out of the gully, made a plan and attended a singles event. I will admit it was scary. No, I did not get any dates out of it, but I got quality time with incredible women, saw friends I hadn't seen in awhile and danced like no one was watching. In my book it was a win for multiple reasons. The main one being moving, no matter how slow it might be is much more fun than being stuck!

"Not everything that is faced can be changed,

but nothing can be changed until it is faced."

~James Baldwin

Face those fears, move forward, because you'll never know what could happen if you don't try!

XOXO

Tiffanee