My Angel in the Cute Green House

A few weeks ago, I lost a dear childhood friend to cancer, we had known each other since we were young, our families were close, and we spent a lot of time together. I remember one Sunday we all went to pick chokecherries, On the way back we got bored and started a chokecherry fight. I am sure our moms' weren't very happy, because not only were we really covered in berries, but we wasted some of their berries they worked so hard to pick. My blonde hair had purple stains for weeks. So many precious, priceless memories. Our friendship continued as we grew up, but after high school we lost touch. We’d comment on each other's Facebook posts, and I felt at least that was something.  A few years ago, I reached out to him when his mom suddenly passed away and we talked for a while, but when I heard he had cancer, even though I thought about him and wanted to reach out I never did.

I have this running route through town that I tend to run several times a week that goes past this cute little green house. If I was consistent with my timing, there was a lady that would stand in the front window and cheer me on every time I went past. It truly made my day and I looked forward to seeing her each time. She was my angel.  I thought many times how I wanted to get her flowers, leave her a note or something just to let her know how much she meant to me even though we'd never officially met.  With the COVID restrictions I was worried about how to accomplish it without putting her at any risk. I got injured and my running turned into walking which took me a different path and if I took the one past her house, I was way behind the normal schedule and I had not seen her in a while. 

The morning after I found out about my friend, I ran past the green house hoping to see that beautiful, smiling face in the window. In my mind I could really have used some cheering that day.  My heart sank when instead, I saw a new for sale sign in front of the house, the curtains were drawn and from the road I could see that the house was empty. This lady made an impact in my life, and I didn't even know her name.  Suddenly, I was left with not one, but two big regrets, a heart that was hurting and the feelings of losing my dad came close to the surface.  All I could focus on was the time that I could never get back and change things.

A few days later a friend came to stay with me for the weekend.  She'd heard I was volunteering at an event and jumped right in offering to help too. We got to my house at 2:00 am that morning after working on another project for that day and she admitted that she was not feeling well. She decided to sleep in a bit in the morning but would make it to the event in time to help.  Morning came quick and I left quietly trying to not wake her.  A little while later I sent her a text, that just said, "I put some tea on the counter, help yourself to anything, there are plenty of volunteers here, so just relax and take care of yourself." We touched base a few times and met up as the event was ending, went about our plans and had a great rest of the day.  The next afternoon at lunch, she tearfully expressed how much that text meant to her, to know that someone cared about how she was feeling and only wanted what was best for her.  I said it was just a little text. That is when she taught me an incredible lesson, if we are thinking about someone, reach out.  We might think it is nothing, but they may think it is everything. There is a reason they crossed your mind.  Little did she know that she was the answer to my prayers.  

No, I could not get time back to fix things with the people I have lost, but I can honor them by reaching out to those that are here, near and far.  I can honor my angel in the green house by being a cheerleader for others, my friend by supporting the fight against cancer and my dad by seeing a need and quietly taking care of it.  (He was so good at that).  I can send that quick text, express gratitude more often and most importantly listen and jump into action when the spirit guides me to do something for others. 

I am grateful to friends that supported me that weekend, without knowing the whole story. Who listened to the spirit and were guided in all that they did. They were my angels! The weekend ended and my soul felt complete once again.

So my advice...Enjoy life!

Let those you love know how you feel about them 

and

 if someone crosses your mind send that text! 

XOXO

Tiffanee

Finding Strength in Unexpected Ways

A few weeks after my divorce  was finalized, I ran a half marathon ran on my favorite trail, that fell on what would of been my 28th year wedding anniversary.  It was a good way to celebrate that I had strength and could continue onward in life. Every year since then, I’ve ran the same race to prove to myself I’m still strong enough for life as I know it.  Each year getting a little bit faster time. This year, due to my leg injury, I was unable to run it. Yesterday,  I drove past the start line of it and watched people getting ready as I was headed up north to run “just a 5k”, I felt totally defeated. 

 The Inspiring Hope Run is a great race, well ran and for an incredible cause. I have driven almost 90 minutes to run it for about 7 years now and it is always fun. It is usually held Mother's Day weekend, however this year it was moved to the same time as my annual half marathon. I was happy to have something in place for that day and figured I could walk 3 miles if I had to. 

My daughter and I had both not slept well the night before so we were both exhausted before it even began. She teased me that she was going to go from the start to the car, take a nap and jump back in a little while later to finish. I even offered her the car keys.  As we rushed to the starting line, the gloom was still around me as I still felt the defeat that I wasn't going to accomplish my goal this year, I just wasn't strong enough.. Little did I know as the start gun went off, that for me this year was more than just running a 5k for a good cause. It taught me that being strong is not in the distance of the race, it’s what you do in those miles. 

This year, I made a new friend in a young boy who ran the first mile and kept asking if I was going to ever walk, met up with mentors, friends and even the race director recognized me, spent time with my amazing daughter and watched her take off and leave me in the dust (when she was worried about making it) and totally kill it, without taking the nap. I learned I could run again, something I wondered if it would ever be possible. It might not have been the time or miles that I wanted, but I finished with only a little pain and it ended up being the shot of "inspiring hope" and realization of strength that I so desperately needed.  

Keep remembering that you are strong enough!!

XOXO

Tiffanee

The Bubblewrap Injury Theory

Injured by bubble wrap?? How is that even possible, that something that is supposed to protect items and is literally bubbles of air could injure anyone. 

I love bubble wrap.  It gives me great pleasure to pop those little bubbles of air.  A few weeks ago, I found a good size piece of it and had a great time stomping on all the bubbles.  When I finished, I found that my leg was hurting a bit and by nighttime it got worse. I attempted to stretch it out before going to bed, but by morning I could barely walk. Over the course of the next few days, I found that if I moved it hurt less.  I could not run. I found if  I walked the pain was still there, but it was bearable most of the time.  I was forced to slow down. I was bummed because I had just started making progress in my training and was finally able to go a faster pace. Walking was not the exercise I wanted to do, but it was all I could do.

Being injured just sucks. Through this experience I have come to the conclusion that I am a good caregiver, but a horrible patient. I just want to magically be healed.  Sadly, we have all experienced hurt, times when our hearts feel broken, we don't want to move for the pain is unbearable. During these times we have a choice to make and if we want to heal. Stand still or move forward.

Somedays, my walk started out well, I would go to far, then would get to a point where the pain was intense, and I just wanted to quit.  When just making it home was my only goal.  Others, where I had to physically remind myself to pick up my hurt leg with each step and there were days the pace was simply a very slow painful stroll. Yet I found if I did not move the pain was worse.  Just like with my leg when dealing with hurt, we need to move forward even if it is only a few steps at a time. The movement will be uncomfortable and often right out painful. Know it is ok to stop on the path, rest a bit, pull yourself together, gather more courage, strength and then keep moving.  

With my injury, days, turned in to weeks and I found I was noticing things I never saw before; cool mailboxes, the flowering trees (that only last a few days), cool porches and other things that now caught my attention.  Things I had been missing because I had been so focused on going faster each day.  I found that I started to focus on the present, find more joy, the pain started to become less and less.

Just like I found with my leg, emotional injuries cannot be magically cured. To use running terms, healing is not a sprint, it is a slow marathon of recovery. My advice, slow down, be present and look for the little things in life that bring you joy. Take care of yourself (be kind and gentle), rest when needed, but keep moving forward.  Eventually, you will feel the pain lessen until one day you will look back and realize it is gone. 

As I write this, my leg is still not fully healed and I am not able to run. I find myself scared to try, afraid of the pain, but if I don't try how will I know if I am healed or not?  Will I let this injury stop me from enjoying popping the bubbles on bubble wrap? Of course not, and here is where the theory comes in.  

"Don't let being afraid of pain stop you from pursuing your heart's desires. Yes, there is a chance it might hurt, but experiencing joy and happiness is worth that chance over and over again!"  

XOXO

Tiffanee

The Climb

This past summer, my 2 youngest daughters, my brother and I set out on a hike in the Targhee Ski Area. Little did we know what we were getting in to.  After a steep incline and a break we headed around the mountain before heading upwards again. We noticed very few people on the trail and they were all  descending, not climbing. One person stopped to tell us to make sure we paid attention to the small markers.  They would keep us on the trail. 

The incline got steeper, we had to climb over treacherous rocks and ended up on a narrow ledge at one point. We finally reached what we thought was the summit only to look upward to see  that if we were to climb to the top of an adjacent peak there was an operating chairlift. Totally exhausted we decided the extra climb would be totally worth being able to ride down and we were willing to pay what ever the cost. The hike to that peak was extremely difficult and our tired legs kept slipping, but we persevered upwards. 

 Reaching the top provided more than just a free downhill ride, but the most incredible views that we would of never gotten had we not continued climbing.  I've been thinking a lot about when we experience trials in our lives.  It feels like lots of things are hard and life just seems to get more difficult. When I look back I see that each difficulty helped me to get through that trial. That even though it felt hard at the time, there were markers of guidance and help from a loving Heavenly Father and Jesus to help, even carrying me at times to get me to where I needed to be.  I've learned that if we do the work, persevere and pay attention to those markers we will make it through our trials and that view at the top will be beautiful and enlightening.

The Grand Tetons were breathtaking!

XOXO

Tiffanee

Be Still

   The past year I felt like I was doing the things I needed to be doing to move forward in life, but yet that my life was at a bit of a stand still. Even though I was happy, I often contemplated why I felt this way. 

One morning I decided to hit a trail that I hadn't been on in years.  Its a gravel/dirt trail that runs beside a canal located in the middle of a farming area.  Known by residents as the "Flume" trail.  I have heard that if you run with the flow of the water it is easier.  This day as I ran beside the canal I wondered if that was really true. At this point I was running against the flow of the water and decided to put that theory to the test. I reached my turn around point and headed back. I found that I didn't notice it being any easier and if anything it felt a little bit more difficult.  I looked at the water and realized I couldn't tell which way it was moving for sure. I stopped, walked over the edge and saw that the reflection of the trees was near perfect. The water wasn't moving at all. In fact it was standing still.

This boggled my mind a bit, but then I remembered that this water was used to water crops. It was being held there for a purpose. When the time was right it would be moved to the place where it was needed. Being still just had a whole new meaning.  Psalm 46:10 says, “Be still, and know I am God." God is saying, “Don’t worry, I got this.” In my mind being still doesn’t mean you aren’t moving forward It means you put your trust in God to move you to lead you. It was that moment that I realized my life had felt like it was standing still, but really it was moving and I was being prepared for a purpose. If things had not been exactly how they were when my dad entered the hospital I would of never been able to go be with my mom during that time. That is where I needed to be. I would of went crazy otherwise. As I look back, I am in awe at all the things that fell into place so that my focus could be where it needed to be at that time.

A few days later my daughter and I went for a walk on the same trail. This day the water was not still it was moving to it's intended destination.  My point being is there are times when we need to “be still” and remind ourselves to trust God. He’s got a plan for each of us and if we allow him, just like this water our lives will to go exactly where we are needed.

XOXO

Tiffanee