Blurry Boundaries?

   A few nights ago, my kids and I went out, I was extremely tired so I had convinced my daughter to drive.  As we pulled out of the neighborhood I noticed lines painted in the middle of the road and asked if they had always been there. They laughed like I was crazy as they explained that, "yes, they have always been there". Although in my mind something was different, I chalked it up to possibly being more tired than I even realized. The next morning I noticed that the previously faded and blurry lines were now a bright yellow and in some places you could see where they had moved the lines just a bit. I was not crazy the city had been out painting the lines. Boundary lines to keep cars from crossing over in to the wrong lane.. a safety precaution and now they wouldn't be overlooked.

    Lately, I have had to put clear boundaries with working at home or otherwise I would sit at my desk until everything is finished (which it never is) and I would rush to take the phone call no matter what time it rings and boundaries on the other side to make sure I treat my work day just as I would if I was in the office. We all have personal boundaries that we put in place as a safety precaution. Healthy boundaries remind us and others what is acceptable to us and what is reasonable to expect from us. They enable us to take ownership in our lives and our happiness. Brene Brown said. "Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others." The purpose of boundaries is to protect and take good care of us why do we allow them to get blurred, faded and covered at times?
 Two of my biggest flaws in dealing with boundaries are:

•  I am a people pleaser by nature (let's face it most of us are)
•  I do not like confrontation.  

Because of these things I am so scared that I might hurt someone's feelings or cause contention that sometimes I let my boundary be crossed. Once that line is crossed, people feel more comfortable pushing that boundary or crossing it again and that is when the lines start to get blurred. Even we start to lose sight of where they are. There have been times in my life where I let boundaries totally fade, where I thought if I did I could help or fix this person. Instead it left me exhausted and unhappy with lots of guilt and shame involved.  In the process I lost myself, not a fun place to be.

     In recent years I have been better at setting boundaries and less afraid to let someone know they cannot cross it, however not always the easiest thing to do. I have learned the hard way that I am much happier if I maintain those boundaries than having to redraw or redefine them. It is easier to stand firm on the boundary than having to dig yourself out of a hole later on. Which I feel like happens to me every time I let my boundaries get blurred and I have come to the realization that I hate that feeling more than possibly disappointing others upfront. 

     In my recent weeding frenzy I discovered a few bricks buried along my yard. It became a treasure hunt as I worked to uncover them from the years of overgrown grass and dirt. I edged along both sides of them and swept them clean with an old broom. I am in awe at what a difference it makes to see a clear cut boundary between the grass and flower beds. It is beautiful! In the last few weeks, I also noticed weeds, grass and blackberry bushes had taken over blurring other boundaries in my yard. I become a bit obsessed. I cut the blackberries back so they are no longer (for the moment) growing over the fence and into the grass. I also made a clear cut boundary between my grass, the sidewalk and the small landscaping bed on the side of my back yard. It took hours and lots of work. I keep looking out my window at the boundaries I created and the brick one that I uncovered. I love the way they look and can't wait to create more.  Just like when I have let my personal boundaries fade (or blurr) it has taken lots of time, effort and hard work to get them back where I want them. It is better if we look at them on at regular basis to determine if we need to remove a few weeds, redefine or repaint the line and perhaps move it just a bit to fit our current needs. We cannot overlook healthy clear cut boundaries. They create happiness, bring freedom and joy in your life.  I need to remember how the new boundaries I created In my yard look and how they make me feel, as I work on my own personal boundaries.  It gives me a greater desire to keep them clean cut and well defined, because they are a very beautiful thing, mentally, physically and emotionally.

XOXO

Tiffanee